I’m not a poet.
I don’t take this form.
I have no rhyme no reason
But here I am out of my element
on his behalf
the half he didn’t ask for
the half he wanted, required more
a more I didn’t have
amore I lost
amore
amore, love
I want to find that closeness again.
Those parallel moments where we matched.
Perfectly.
Preciously.
But instead I’m out of whack.
My verse is clunky.
As are my words to him.
Words used to flow so easily
Fill my world with ecstasy
Make me feel infinity.
But now they’re not about me.
He wants nothing to do with me.
And that’s fine.
He deserves space.
He deserves time.
But…
But (he says get) out.
I have no place there anymore.
I bother.
I bore.
It’s not that I’m mad because he’s thinking of another
Or that I’m afraid he won’t recover
It’s just that I still miss him
And if I saw him, I would run up and kiss him
Because even though I think I am better apart
He still owns half my heart
I miss his jokes
I miss his smile
I miss his care
I miss his love
I miss his brilliance
I miss his resilience
I miss his touch
This is hurting way too much
How long do I have to wait?
Can I get an ETA?
An approximate date?
To be close to you again
Can we try again as friends?
You have me out of my element
Trying to reach you
But here I don’t belong
So I’ll just move along
Try to fill the (____) by dancing to our song
And wait for you to see
That you mean everything to me
This is worse poetry,
on his behalf
Space Traveler,
he never asked that you disappear, but
hearts can’t mend if you stay too near and
he’s doing his best with the cards
you dealt him
please don’t forget who said
“let’s just be friends,”
and “who knows what we’ll have 10 years from now,but
now? I’m not in love with you.”
and that’s not meant maliciously, but there’s something you needed that he couldn’t give,
or that you couldn’t find unless you took space to live apart.
his heart is still with you, but should he still
sit around and miss you
EVERY day,
wishing things were different,
that needs were met, equivalent?
you made it clear, dear traveler,
that that would not be the case.
and he LISTENED.
he finally LISTENED to your words, your heart,
the part of you that asked to be apart.
and now he’s just trying to explore
something new,
you can’t have your cake and eat it,
too, so PLEASE, just concentrate on doing YOU,
and time will heal the wounds that
words and tears can’t seal
alone.
and one day, he may feel strong enough to pick up the phone and call on your
friendship.
and in the meantime?
he’s here for you.
he’s never shut the door
when you’ve needed a hug or something more,
like advice or support or help or a loving voice to reassure.
you, like he, need space to cope,
to express yourself,
to mend, to relocate hope for yourself, for him, for your
relationship…
Whatever that will look like.
so take that space,
Space Traveler, and find what it is you’re looking for,
and trust that he’s working, too, and although
you may not be the one he adores
in poetry, you will always be something more–
the one he loved deeply,
passionately,
freely.
-Sky
By: Sky on August 9, 2008
at 7:04 am